I’m feeling so bad. To be honest, I can’t stand seeing any beautiful girl. I can’t stop comparing myself with them. I can stand too long looking my reflection on the mirror. I am crazy, yes, I can just cry realizing my lacks, count them all from my head to my toe. Being in relationship, keponism with his ex, looking for her fb, twitter, everything, always monitoring her move, can’t stop seeing her photo, save it in my hp, make it my wallpaper, am I crazy?. And its not stop there, I just can being curious with the other girls life, even though I don’t know her, but I always read her twitter, see her photo, save it, I just feeling so bad. Really.
And I just more feeling so worst, I rarely thank to Allah and realize there are many unlucky people out there. But what can I do anyway, I have no defense to this feelings, to this thought. No.
If you reading this then don’t jump into assumption that I’m lookin for attention, I’m wanting to be pleased “No, yuriza you’re beautiful enough..” Nooo. That sentences won’t help,even my self say that, they just won’t do. I don’t want it. I just wanted being a bit extrovert, telling you what I’m feelin, at least here. Can you imagine how it feels like to being pathetically haunted everyday by thought “my boyfriend may leave and people don’t want to be with me. Ya, someday as day goes by and I’m getting older uglier, he’ll leaves you, maybe with his ex girl friend, maybe with your best friend, she is more beautiful than you and there’s so many younger, prettier, kinder girls out there.” That’s why I don’t like double date triple date or whatever it is, I just don’t want this thought full it my brain and I can’t avoid it. I just want time that I can be my self without any suck thought when I am with him.
And can you imagine I can stay all night long just think of this stupid things. I just feeling so bad.
